Lacking confidence :(

I struggle to gain confidence with my Spanish. I am easily frustrated because I cannot communicate the way I would like. I often sit amongst family in silence because I don´t know how to express myself. Being able to understand everything they say adds to my frustration because I know how I want to respond but lack the vocabulary to do so. My family tells me not to be embarrassed but their encouragement offers me little comfort. I am attempting to rid years of shame and embarrassment for not speaking Spanish. I don´t know how long it will take to gain the confidence to speak freely but I hope it comes soon because my embarrassment is acting as a roadblock. I know I must get past it to reach my destination.